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PHASE 1: TENSION BUILDING
Non-abusive partner nurturing and compliant. Walks on eggshells. Covers up for abusive partner's behavior with friends and family. Non-abusive partner accepts full blame for any problems and feels it is her/his responsibility to keep the peace. Person often compromises own needs and wishes to keep the abusive partner non-violent. Abusive partner's behavior escalates. Abusive partner become jealous, more controlling and verbally abusive. A rapid increase in tension ensues.
PHASE 2: ACUTE BATTERING INCIDENT/ CRISIS PHASE
The non-abusive partner can no longer tolerate her/his terror, anxiety and anger, and at this stage sometimes will encourage the inevitable to hasten the end of this phase. It is during this phase that acts of violence occur. People are often killed during this phase, by violence and/or self-defense. Some people report that they dissociate from their bodies and feel nothing.
PHASE 3: ENTRAPMENT, "HONEYMOON", REBONDING
Both partners welcome Phase 3. Batterer is extremely loving and kind, begging for forgiveness and promising change. Battering partner convinces everyone (including self) that change will occur. Flowers, cards and letters are often sent to the non-abusive partner. At the same time, the battering partner believes he/she has taught partner a lesson. Non-abusive partner wants to believe change will occur and often does. They often rebond in warmth and intimacy. Another piece of this phase is that the abusive partner threatens suicide: "If I can't have you then I don't want to live." Non-abusive partner is once again placed in a position of responsibility, and if seperated from batterer, will often reattach during this phase. |
